… or 21 signs that you’re a hypewrist
Hypewrist |hˈa͡ɪp-rɪst| (noun): 1. a person who obsesses over wristwatches, esp. to the exclusion of other interests; 2. an avid collector of wristwatches; 3. an horological expert. example: Bari is a hypewrist, so he will likely ask about your watch during dinner. Etymology: first coined with respect to this context by the 18 year old Barichnel Sonna; see also: hypebeast ( an individual that rocks whatever brand or style might be trending at the time).
Official Scale of hypewristness
0 = not a hypewrist
5 – 11 = budding hypewrist
10 – 21 = hypewrist
21 – 25 = avid hypewrist
25 – 30 = major hypewrist
30 – 40 = certifiable hypewrist
40 – 50 = omg
50 – 75 = seek professional help
75 – 100 = you’re incurable
Instructions
Using only a pure white imported sheet and a black Schneider pen, pour a glass of Scotch that’s at least 12-years-old and then begin marking down how many of the following symptoms apply to you. Each is worth one point. When you are done, refer to the scale above to see how far your hypewristness has advanced. For those who score above 39, you may be too far gone. Good luck.
Part I: The Average hypewrist
- You’re reading this.
- You’re following @watchanish on Instagram
- You will also follow @watchbarich after following @watchanish
- You own more than one watch.
- You’ve uploaded a picture of a watch to Instagram.
- When in public places, you check out strangers’ wrists. (I, the curator of this blog does this one a lot 😉
- When a stranger has on a cool watch, you consider striking up a conversation.
- You spontaneously shake your wrist mid-conversation with a group of friends. (Gest 😉
- You adore how certain watches “play with the light.”
- You know how to change a watch strap.
- You’ve bought shoes because they go with a watch strap.
- You’ve posted a picture to Instagram in which your shoes and your watch strap match.
- When beckoning a bartender or waiter, you use the hand with a watch on it.
- You’ve paused movies, television shows, or sports games in order to examine a watch.
- You stare at the seconds’ hand going around and around.
- When referring to people who don’t wear watches, you’ve called them “regular people,” “normal people,” and/or “civilians.”
- You bought, or someone gave you, the book A Man & His Watch.
- You’ve become a Scotch Whiskey connoisseur.
- Though your browser history would prove otherwise, you claim not to be always looking at watches on the internet.
- You’ve got at least one watch in your Jumia shopping cart at all times.
- On your birthday, you fear the possibility that someone will give you an uncool watch. (February 21 approaching… goddamn I’m scared!)
Part II: The Senior hypewrist
- You feel a certain emptiness when leaving the house without a watch on your wrist.
- You’ve once been robbed and your watch was taken away ( I know this feel too 😥
- You’ve become prematurely in touch with your mortality.
- Someone has mentioned on Instagram that your watch’s date isn’t set correctly.
- Your excuse for not setting the date is that you don’t want to overwork the movement.
- Among your greatest regrets in life is the sale of a watch.
- You consider paying full boutique prices in order to experience the ritual of toasting the purchase with either Scotch or Champagne.
- You can mentally convert CHF into your native currency. (
CHF is the currency abbreviation for Switzerland’s currency, the Swiss franc. ) - You freak out when you hear the phrase “Why is it that expensive? Does it not show the same time as …”
- You also freak out when you hear people compare brands that shouldn’t be compared… like Rolex and Omega.
- You own the tools necessary for changing watch straps.
- You understand what the phrase “in the metal” means.
- You’ve lost track of how many watches you own.
- You own a watch that you hardly ever wear, but when you do you’re like, “Wow, this thing is amazing! Why don’t I wear this more often?”
- When working out and/or doing yard work, you wear a Casio G-Shock. (this is so me 😉
- You subconsciously classify strangers who don’t wear watches as assholes.
- You’ve shined a UV torch at your watch.
- You know the Czech word for “wristwatch.”
- You considered naming, or did name, your dog Seiko.
- You’ve smiled many times throughout this article.
- You will share this article with other hypewrists you know.
Bonus Part III: Hypewrist level: lord
- Millimeters are now your base unit of measurement and you own a metric caliper.
- You’ve concluded that either (a) smartwatches are the future of horology or (b) smartwatches are not the future of horology.
- The placement of a watch’s date window genuinely stresses you out.
- You cyclically fall in and out of love with Rolex as a brand.
- Though you do not speak French, esoteric French words like ébauche and guilloche roll off your tongue.
- You enjoy pronouncing brand names like Richard Mille, Vacheron Constantin or Ulysse Nardin.
- Your family and/or friends turn to you for watch advice.
- You’ve heard of the SIHH and Baselworld watch fairs.
- Your dream country is Switzerland, and dream city Geneva.
Credits: Worn & Wound
Watch Barich 